Goodnight, rest well.

Passing of parents and how I felt


There we waited, minute by minute, second by second. And then he arrived, the doctor, to tell us the news.

“I’m sorry. Your mother has passed away.”

It was 9:34pm. The heart monitor just kind of stopped. She was just…gone.


That was almost 15 years ago since the day my mother passed away. I still remember the time, the date, the very moment she passed. It was gut-wrenching.

But not more than a year and half later, my father would also pass away as well. Only this time, it was sudden and unexpected (car accident).

And in a blink of an eye, I was homeless, penniless, hopeless, and angry.

“Hi, is this One Man Party? I’m sorry but your father had an accident. He died in a car accident last night.”

In a panic rushed with tears streaming down my cheeks, I asked a friend who could drive me to the hospital in which my father’s body remained at. It was the longest two hour drive.


When I entered the hospital and provided my identification, I was sent to the room in which my father’s body remained in. And there he was, listless, motionless, lifeless. We had just spoke over the phone the other day, but here he was in front of me. Gone.

Although maybe I shouldn’t have, I went to see the car and how badly damaged it was. It was bad…really bad. All I thought about was how he must have felt at that moment (if his death wasn’t sudden), how he felt about his life, his kids, his wife, his family. Hopefully he was proud of us.

Nearly 15 years later, I still think about those two events, the passing of my parents. Would they be proud? How would they think of me today? Would we be happy? Or not?

Life is really fragile. There are days I wish I could join them, then others where I believe life is worth living till the end. I, like many others who have shared similar experiences, want to know how this story will end.

For those who went through something similar, please know that I empathize. This fight is real, it’s hard, and it’s soul-sucking. But we need to see how our story unfolds.



One Man Party

“Please wake up”.

Don’t leave us.

“Please wake up”.

There I was, in the first grade at six years young, witnessing my own mother attempting to commit suicide. I was so young I didn’t actually know what was happening, but I did know that she wasn’t breathing. It was the four of us, and we were crying our eyes out hoping she would wake up. “Please wake up” I said as tears fall down my cheeks and onto my shirt. Just please wake up.

Just kids.

Typically, most people won’t have to live through these kinds of moments at such a young age. Normally, kids and families shower each other with love and affection, have family picnics with friends and relatives, enjoy their childhood, and not have to face the harsh realities of death, sadness, depression and loneliness at a young age.

My mother faced many demons, many of which I didn’t know about till much later (and many more that I still am not aware of). When we were growing up, we lived through an extremely rough childhood as my father would constantly scream and shout at us while our mother would guzzle another 12-pack of bud-light. And after that, my dad would go on to scream at our mother, which then our mother would scream right back at us. We were just kids….

Every day felt like misery; there were so many memories of me crying in my bed, praying I wouldn’t be screamed at again. My siblings went through the exact emotions – we would fear our lives.

Never forgotten

I’m 31 years old now, but those memories have never disappeared. Sometimes I let it motivate him to do better, to achieve more, and to continue pushing. But at times, those memories stick like mud in my head – I’m constantly reminded of it. And it sucks, for lack of a better term.

My mother ended up passing away almost 15 years ago from a liver disease while I was still in high school. And yet again, just like that moment in 1st grade, we were all there to witness her death. I witnessed her last breath, down to the last hour and minute. I have never, nor will I ever, forget that moment.

Together With You.

For those who have experienced something similar, just know that I empathize with you. I cry for you, because I know what it was like. It’s extremely painful, and sometimes there is no one else who can understand. But I do. There are people out there who have experienced something similar, and I hope our voices are heard.



One Man Party



Your Belief In You

Your belief in you. Believe.

“I can’t do this.”

“I’ve never done this before.”

“Why does it matter. I’ll fail anyways.”

How many times have you or someone else you know say this? Personally, I’ve said this many times throughout my life. It’s always been so challenging because  I’ve passed up on good opportunities due to the lack of self-belief. But why do we think this way?

Growing up, I’ve had to be my own champion. I had to pump myself up before big events, whether it was interviewing for a new job or competing in a grappling tournament. Rarely did I have something nearby to help say, “You can do this. Believe in yourself.” Rather, the opposite and would go something to the effect of, “You could get hurt! Why bother? It’s a waste of time!” I recall those moments, and yes, at times they would be glued to me.

Now much older, I believe more than ever we need to be our own champions in life. We need to tell ourselves that it’s possible, that we have the ability to mold our circumstances, that we have to be intrinsically motivated. We need to fight for what we want.

I remember the first time I stepped into the cage for my MMA debut. It was easily the most nerving and surreal moment of my life. I mean, I was about to step into a cage, in front of 100’s of strangers, with another man who wants to break me. I was ready to face the very real possibility that I could have my arm snapped off or be knocked unconscious.

But I also believed in myself I was ready. And why?

I had spent a near 2 month training camp, sparring week in and week out with the best training partners and having the best coaches around. I knew I prepared the best I could; I was training twice a day, 6 days a week for my fight. I knew in my heart that regardless of the outcome, I put in the hard work and dedication. I believed in myself.

And thankfully, the result was positive.

With all that said, believe in yourself. Believe in you when no one will. We’re our own worst enemies, and more importantly, our own strongest advocates. It’s amazing what humans can achieve when we believe in ourselves. Just remember, time moves by fast and days become months, months become years. Whatever is on our mind that we want to achieve, take the first step.

It could be the best step of your life!

The Grind.

Grind through life’s obstacles

What is the “grind”?

I define the grind as the ability, determination and willingness to push through an obstacle, despite the unnerving challenges ahead.

This can be working hard at your job to finish a project deadline, working through the Nth hour on your small business or even anxiously pummeling your way to complete your last set of push ups.

As a wrestler and lifelong martial artist, I’ve sustained numerous injuries, puked my share of times after practice, and generally felt like giving up.

But I would always recall the “grind”. How could I look at myself and just quit? How could I allow myself to just stop when the going got tough?

 Well, I can’t.

To grind through tough circumstances is what develops character, strength, heart and dedication. Some just don’t want to push past that due to perhaps fear, rejection, anxiety, you name it.

And remember, you can do it. You can grind through the pain.

And remember, when you do, cherish every moment. Because when you take a step back, you can say to yourself, “I did this. On my own”.

Grind through the circumstances. Grind through the challenges and obstacles that lie ahead. You’ll be proud of yourself for having done so.

Being thankful in difficult times

What’s one of the hardest things to do? Being thankful. Especially during difficult times.

It’s something I’ve personally faced many times throughout my life. How does one handle being thankful when so much around you goes wrong? The work situation doesn’t pan to your liking, your friends stop calling, your gaining weight and negative thoughts flushing in and out of your head. I’ve felt like this plenty of times.

And still do.

But I try to remind myself that, in difficult times, there are so many things to be thankful for. I’m thankful to have a wonderful wife who’s stuck by me during very painful moments in my life, times at which many others would have sprinted away from. I have a wonderful sister who isn’t afraid to challenge my thoughts and opinions (thank you!). And regardless of work situations, I’m thankful to those who helped develop my career and provided a thoughtful gesture and/or conversation.

And honestly, it’s what I needed.

I’m reminded everyday that there’s so much to be thankful and grateful for, that no matter how much life throws at you, you have people around that care. Sometimes we say, “it’s nothing personal, walk it off, stop thinking like that”. But sometimes, we need to vent and release steam. Sometimes, it’s just those simple moments that allow us to be happy, even for a moment.

I know I haven’t always done the “right” or “proper” thing, but I try my best to be genuine and humanistic. Who I am is who I am; I don’t cover it up. And this is what I convey myself even during job interviews. I’m a passionate person – I love to help people. I don’t see myself ever stop helping others.

So be thankful. Be thankful during difficult moments. And most of all, be thankful to yourself – you’re doing good. Regardless of the circumstances, we’re there for you. As am I.

Fearing the unknown

So what motivates you?

“What gives your life purpose?” – Les Brown

I first heard this line maybe a month ago while randomly perusing through YouTube. Such a simple line. So simple that I saved the video and now listen to it once a day.

And so I asked myself, what is my purpose? What do I have to fear?

Memory lane and where it started

During my days at UMass Amherst, I vividly recall asking myself where I wanted to be, what I wanted to accomplish, what were my dreams, and, like so many others, how I would make money (I still think about this).

There were many hard days, painful in fact. But the one thing I feared more than anything, more than any broken bone or punch to face I’ve incurred, was failing myself. Giving up, to say it another way.

I remember when I failed an exam. I remember when I lost my wrestling matches. I remember not being accepted to certain colleges. Heck, I remember when. I cheated out of completing my lifting sets!

There’s a silver lining in all of this

But I remember the positive impact from all those experiences as well. I learned I could deal with adversity, that I could own up and face my fears. It wasn’t easy, and I’ll never say that to anyone. But it’s also why I, and all of us, can truly savor those moments. Because we lived to tell about it.

A new day to make a difference

With all that said, I continue to ask myself that very same question to this day. So what is my purpose? What do I have to fear? I know one thing’s for sure – I’ll keep pushing forward to find out!

Why so…budget?

Imagine this scenario.

It’s finally Friday. You’ve long yearned for this day to arrive because it’s been incredibly tiring and demoralizing at work. And you’ve decided you want to hang out with your buddies. You all meet up at the nearest pub to enjoy a few beers and to chow down on a cheeseburger. Then next Friday arrives, rinse and repeat. Then Fridays become Thursday and Fridays. Rinse and repeat.

So very tempting – said everyone, ever!

Now imagine what your wallet or purse looks like after a month of this. After 6 months. Then calculate after a year! Frightening, isn’t it?

Why do I budget?

Like many, I didn’t grow up with an understanding of budgeting and personal finances. I didn’t quite understand the concept of savings and how this eventually could compound, leading to early retirement. And like many others, I figure my job would always be there and be my primary source of income. C’mon, let me eat that burger!

However, as I’ve grown older over the years, I realize now how so very important budgeting and savings is. I’ve worked in corporate finance for the past 8 years supporting both multi-billion conglomerates to billion dollar ecommerce platform companies. In each of these I was in charge of managing millions and billions of dollars worth of budgets including operating expenses, capital expenditures as well as partnering with executives to drive the growth of the companies. It’s this that lead me to understand and build out my own budgets.

So how did I budget for myself? Because I was an excel nerd (love it!), I decided I wanted to build a financial model for myself that would show me my budget in a way I could understand. I also leveraged the way I learned it at my job to build out my template. The data to support my model would be from Mint – I personally love this tool and encourage others to use it.

My Budget Tool

Here are a few of the capabilities I’ve built into my tool below. I look at my budget like I would with managing any business – through a P&L (profit and loss). Here is how I break it down within my household budget (numbers are for demonstration purposes only):

General P&L by Month

One Man Party Budget Budget Snapshot (what I will target for the year with a monthly re-forecast)

One Man Party Budget-Budget Summary

Annual Budget Analysis (review by years)

One Man Party Budget-Annual

Long-Term Financial Budget Analysis (review where my budget could be 10 years down)

One Man Party Budget-LT model

There are many more applications and views within my budget tool, but these are a few that allow me to keep both my finances and goals in check. I don’t want to work forever!

Thoughts over the years

I hadn’t realized till writing this post, but I’ve been managing this budget tool of mine since 2009! I have nearly 8 years of solid financial data; with this, I can and try to make better decisions.

For example, based on my P&L results I knew my internet two-year rate was coming to an end and would spike up to nearly $75! A’int nobody got time for that! So I called the internet company, informed them a competitor is offering a lower price, and just like that, they provided me with a new, lower rate! Simple, easy, and all it took was 5 minutes on the phone!

I hope this post helps you think about your own budget and, with a little bit of effort, you, too, can change your habits and start saving better. When you have the data at your disposal, you no longer guess or wonder – because you know now.

As always, feel free to leave a comment, thought or suggestion. Enjoy the weekend, everyone!