“Please wake up”.

Don’t leave us.

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“Please wake up”.

There I was, in the first grade at six years young, witnessing my own mother attempting to commit suicide. I was so young I didn’t actually know what was happening, but I did know that she wasn’t breathing. It was the four of us, and we were crying our eyes out hoping she would wake up. “Please wake up” I said as tears fall down my cheeks and onto my shirt. Just please wake up.

Just kids.

Typically, most people won’t have to live through these kinds of moments at such a young age. Normally, kids and families shower each other with love and affection, have family picnics with friends and relatives, enjoy their childhood, and not have to face the harsh realities of death, sadness, depression and loneliness at a young age.

My mother faced many demons, many of which I didn’t know about till much later (and many more that I still am not aware of). When we were growing up, we lived through an extremely rough childhood as my father would constantly scream and shout at us while our mother would guzzle another 12-pack of bud-light. And after that, my dad would go on to scream at our mother, which then our mother would scream right back at us. We were just kids….

Every day felt like misery; there were so many memories of me crying in my bed, praying I wouldn’t be screamed at again. My siblings went through the exact emotions – we would fear our lives.

Never forgotten

I’m 31 years old now, but those memories have never disappeared. Sometimes I let it motivate him to do better, to achieve more, and to continue pushing. But at times, those memories stick like mud in my head – I’m constantly reminded of it. And it sucks, for lack of a better term.

My mother ended up passing away almost 15 years ago from a liver disease while I was still in high school. And yet again, just like that moment in 1st grade, we were all there to witness her death. I witnessed her last breath, down to the last hour and minute. I have never, nor will I ever, forget that moment.

Together With You.

For those who have experienced something similar, just know that I empathize with you. I cry for you, because I know what it was like. It’s extremely painful, and sometimes there is no one else who can understand. But I do. There are people out there who have experienced something similar, and I hope our voices are heard.

 

Love,

One Man Party

 

 

Being thankful in difficult times

What’s one of the hardest things to do? Being thankful. Especially during difficult times.

It’s something I’ve personally faced many times throughout my life. How does one handle being thankful when so much around you goes wrong? The work situation doesn’t pan to your liking, your friends stop calling, your gaining weight and negative thoughts flushing in and out of your head. I’ve felt like this plenty of times.

And still do.

But I try to remind myself that, in difficult times, there are so many things to be thankful for. I’m thankful to have a wonderful wife who’s stuck by me during very painful moments in my life, times at which many others would have sprinted away from. I have a wonderful sister who isn’t afraid to challenge my thoughts and opinions (thank you!). And regardless of work situations, I’m thankful to those who helped develop my career and provided a thoughtful gesture and/or conversation.

And honestly, it’s what I needed.

I’m reminded everyday that there’s so much to be thankful and grateful for, that no matter how much life throws at you, you have people around that care. Sometimes we say, “it’s nothing personal, walk it off, stop thinking like that”. But sometimes, we need to vent and release steam. Sometimes, it’s just those simple moments that allow us to be happy, even for a moment.

I know I haven’t always done the “right” or “proper” thing, but I try my best to be genuine and humanistic. Who I am is who I am; I don’t cover it up. And this is what I convey myself even during job interviews. I’m a passionate person – I love to help people. I don’t see myself ever stop helping others.

So be thankful. Be thankful during difficult moments. And most of all, be thankful to yourself – you’re doing good. Regardless of the circumstances, we’re there for you. As am I.